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Chat

whenever i try and learn something new

  • me: It seems that I am not immediately excellent at this
  • me:
  • me:
  • me:
  • me:
  • me: it is because I am a failure
  • me: everything I touch dies
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baker-cake:

Exactly why I sleep.

baker-cake:

Exactly why I sleep.

(Source: stomptheswamp)

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shouldnt:

Me on the internet: your hot we should make out
Me in real life: hi

(via baker-cake)

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englland:

sexting

englland:

sexting

(Source: englland, via thatsp00kyguy)

Photoset

(Source: trashboat, via thatsp00kyguy)

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s-piffy:

theblindvisionary:

someone was tryna get a pizza dat ass.

Yo

s-piffy:

theblindvisionary:

someone was tryna get a pizza dat ass.

Yo

(Source: kittiezandtittiez, via thatsp00kyguy)

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(Source: nickmiller)

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theonewithouteyebrows:

twitch-the-tiny:

littlefoxling:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:


A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

(/whispers 
you guys my original comment has stayed on this post for so long)

Woohoo finally a reason to pull this one out of the closet!
So we were going at it, and had one of my youtube playlists on in the background, and everything was going just great until…
THE DOUBLE RAINBOW SONG CAME ON
OMFG just… there was no rescuing that situation. We couldn’t stop laughing, and by the time he could, well, he couldn’t get “back in the mood”…

The first time my dude and I had sex he put on Venture Brothers for background noise cause it was the first thing he saw on Netflix. Since then any time we bang we put on some cartoon.Well, recently it’s been Bob’s Burgers and the Butts song came on and we laughed. Later on I clenched my vag to me saying “butts butts butts”. We both died laughing. I don’t know how we were able to finish.

theonewithouteyebrows:

twitch-the-tiny:

littlefoxling:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:

A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!

Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.

My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”

THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.

THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.

it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.

Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?

Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:

I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”

Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.

Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

(/whispers 

you guys my original comment has stayed on this post for so long)

Woohoo finally a reason to pull this one out of the closet!

So we were going at it, and had one of my youtube playlists on in the background, and everything was going just great until…

THE DOUBLE RAINBOW SONG CAME ON

OMFG just… there was no rescuing that situation. We couldn’t stop laughing, and by the time he could, well, he couldn’t get “back in the mood”…

The first time my dude and I had sex he put on Venture Brothers for background noise cause it was the first thing he saw on Netflix. Since then any time we bang we put on some cartoon.

Well, recently it’s been Bob’s Burgers and the Butts song came on and we laughed. Later on I clenched my vag to me saying “butts butts butts”. We both died laughing. I don’t know how we were able to finish.

(Source: erospainter)

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blastingradio:

This is not my beautiful houseThis is not my beautiful wife

blastingradio:

This is not my beautiful house
This is not my beautiful wife

(Source: derpycats, via johnroblez)

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likeafieldmouse:

Emma McNally